


I'm a scientist not a therapist.

by sapphiclilith



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DC Animated Universe, DCU, Gotham City Sirens (Comics)
Genre: Domestic, F/F, Fluff, Gals being pals, this is gay and lame and sappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 06:59:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7966957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphiclilith/pseuds/sapphiclilith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ivy has braved the winter cold to bring home food to her girlfriend, only to come home and find Harley a sobbing mess. But Dr. Isley knows just how to treat moodiness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm a scientist not a therapist.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on impulse and I've never published fanfiction before but if this is appreciated I am open to continuing this story. Feedback is always appreciated.

Ivy walks through the door, frozen and tired with three bags of groceries she isn’t sure she will even be able to pry from her stiff hands. “Harley baby! Come help me with these damn bags!” she yells into the living room, the stubborn determination which has carried her from the store and all the way home is rapidly leaving her body. 

When she doesn’t hear her girlfriend immediately jump to her feet to come to Ivy’s aid she lets out an indignant sigh and, abandoning the bags of food on the floor, stomps into the living room to give Harley a lecture about how even media-proclaimed supervillains have to feed themselves and since Harley doesn’t seem to care about her own well-being Ivy is more than happy to do it for her. But she could at least have the decency to help unpack the grocery bags when Ivy has braved the icy winter weather to get Harley her favourite vegan hazelnut-chocolate spread and expensive Italian bread. But Ivy never gets to the lecture because when she enters the newly furnished living room she finds a bundle of blankets sobbing on the couch while a wildlife documentary plays on the tv.

“What’s wrong, clownface?” Ivy softens her voice as she approaches the sniveling pile of fabric. No reply. Lifting the top blanket, she reveals a distraught Harley, tears breaking down her already smudged makeup. Ivy’s heart aches at seeing her love in a state so far from her usual adorable (and sometimes annoying) happy-go-lucky self. Harley’s big eyes stare up at her with the shine of more tears yet to come and Ivy has no choice but to sit down beside her and let her wrap her arms too tightly around her waist while the sobbing continues, with the tears now falling into the crevice of Ivy’s collar bone. With some difficulty, given that she’s still wearing her winter coat, Ivy removes the gloves from her hands and delicately runs her fingers through Harley’s hair the way she always does when these sobbing fits happen. The groceries are all but forgotten now as Ivy breathes in Harley’s scent of sweat and cheap shampoo while she waits for her to finally let out what’s wrong.

They sit like this for five minutes until Harley finally speaks. “I-I-I’m sorry R-r-r-red…” she says between sniffles.  
“I was just w-watchin’ this documentary because you’re always sayin’ I needa live more in the real world… So I was watchin’ this doc, right, and…” She trails off. Ivy can tell she is about to start sobbing again and is trying hard not to. Her right hand is still wrapping itself around Harley’s blonde strands as she cups the sad clown’s face with her left and gives her a soft kiss.  
“It’s okay Harl,” she says “Just take a deep breath and calm yourself down a bit before you continue.” 

In all honesty Ivy is finding this a little ridiculous – what on earth could possibly have upset her so deeply in a wildlife documentary – but as always when dealing with Harley it’s best to just listen and then try to cheer her up. Now the tears seem to finally be drying up and Harley takes a deep breath before she continues her tale.  
“Well what happened was that there was this lioness. She was real sweet and all and she wanted to feed her kids so she went out huntin’. And then they filmed her killin’ a zebra!” Of course. The supervillainess and former criminal psychiatrist got all torn up because of a predator killing its natural prey. She’s got an erratic sense of empathy this lover of mine, Ivy thinks. Naturally she doesn’t alert Harley to this contradiction. She’s got her reasons for being the way she is and it wouldn’t help trying to make her feel guilty about it. Instead, Ivy just puts her index finger at the top of Harley’s forehead and slowly lets it travel down the center of the pouting face - the bridge of the nose, red from crying, the cupid’s bow, the quivering chin. It’s a trick that always works and Ivy can see Harley growing calmer with every inch her fingertip travels. 

“I know you think it’s awful babe, but you know it’s natural for the lions to hunt their prey. If they didn’t, they would starve because they are designed to eat meat. We wouldn’t want that now would we?” Ivy has adopted her most rational and calming maternal voice. Harley chews on her lip for a few seconds before she replies.  
“No. It’d be horrible if the lions died! But why do they have to show them killin' zebras on tv?”  
To that, Ivy has no answer. She thinks it’s cruel to exploit animals like that. So to avoid depressing both herself and her girlfriend further, she decides a distraction is needed.  
“Harls, I just remembered I have a surprise for you in the kitchen!”  
The words take their effect instantly as Harley’s face goes from glum to beaming with excitement in a split second.  
“A present? For me? And it’s not even close to my birthday! Aww, Pammy you’re just the sweetest!” 

As Ivy walks back to the kitchen Harley’s busy throwing out guess after guess on what the surprise is. Her guesses range from a pet anteater to a shrunken head to a Batman-teacup. Ivy snickers as she finally shrugs out of her coat, grabs the jar of vegan hazelnut-chocolate spread and a couple of spoons and heads back toward Harley who is now bouncing up and down on the couch. When she finally lays her eyes on the jar of chocolatey goodness she leaps eagerly off it and flings herself around Ivy’s neck while chanting an ecstatic “Thank you thank you thank you! My favourite!” She drags Ivy by the neck, in a quite uncomfortable yet completely loving hug, to the sofa and with the force of her own enthusiasm manages to make them end up with Ivy sitting down and Harley on top, legs wrapped around the redhead’s waist. Ivy feels a slight tug inside her at the sensation of Harley’s breasts, hidden by only a loose cropped t-shirt, creating friction against her nipples. She shrugs it off because she’s not sure yet that Harley is completely over her little episode. 

Actually, Harley has already forgotten all about lions and zebras and the food chain and the boob-touching was all part of her spur-of-the-moment grand design. The jar of fake Nutella has sparked her playfulness and what could be more fun than playing with your food?


End file.
